Jokes!!!
Oreo psychology
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people
eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities.
Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:
1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
Your Personality:
1. The whole thing
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with,
exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally
irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.
2. One bite at a time.
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat
their Oreos this very same way. Just like them,
you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow and Methodical.
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly.
You're very meticulous in every detail with everything
you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating
to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going
to go the speed limit.
4. Feverous Nibbles.
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly.
You always have a million things to do and never enough
time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in
your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.
5. Dunked.
Every one likes you because you are always upbeat. You like
to sugarcoat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad
situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the
shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards
narcotic addiction.
6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie.
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking
things apart to find out how they work, though not always able
to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence
of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong.
You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie.
You are good at business and take risk that pay off.
You take what you want and throw the rest away.
You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others.
You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok,
you don't care, you got yours.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
You enjoy pain.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional
medical help - immediately.
10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies.
You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things,
and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy
about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be
just right. You like to be pampered.
You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you.
Top 12 things not to say to a cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.
That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed,
have you been eating doughnuts?"
21 funny things to do at the drive through
1. Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask prices of everything on the menu, then order something
that you did not ask the price for.
3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this.
Order with your door open, pay with your door open.
Roll down window and take food through the window.
4. Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night.
Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels - unwrapped.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are
just window shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain
that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "No,
why can't I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway, and keep doing
it until they yell at you.
14. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance
in moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there.
If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all
the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
21. When they say, "May I help you?" respond with, "No, I am beyond help."
politically correct insults
* A few clowns short of a circus
* A few fries short of a Happy Meal
* An experiment in artificial stupidity
* A few beers short of a six pack
* Dumber than a box of hair
* A few peas short of a casserole
* Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box
* The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
* One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
* One taco short of a combination plate
* A few feathers short of a whole duck
* All foam, no beer
* The cheese slid off his cracker
* Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
* Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
* Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
* Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
* He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down
* An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
* As smart as bait
* Chimney's clogged
* Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
* Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
* Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
* Forgot to pay his brain bill
* Her sewing machine's out of thread
* His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
* His belt doesn't go through all the loops
* If he had another brain, it would be lonely
* Missing a few buttons on his remote control
* No grain in the silo
* Proof that evolution can go in reverse
* Receiver is off the hook
* Several nuts short of a full pouch
* Sky light leaks a little
* Slinky's kinked
* Surfing in Nebraska
* Too much yardage between the goal posts
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