jokes 2
A prayer for the stressed
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had
to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on
today as they may be connected to the butt that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work....
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And help me to remember.....
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown
and only 4 to extend my middle finger !
The couple
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
Being a devoted husband he protested,
but she said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed,
and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour,
awakened without pain; and decided to go to the party after all.
In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing,
she thought she'd have some fun by watching her
husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could,
getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there.
His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself,
he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time
to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed,
and so off they went!
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home,
put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in.
She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing.
You know, I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys,
so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to,
sure had a real good time!"
Makes You Wonder . . .
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer,
then drive 90 miles an hour to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing,
but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake,
we talk about business.
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
Just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
If you crossed a chicken with a zebra would you get
a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?